Wednesday, March 23, 2005


A year ago if you asked me to spell that word, I would have butcherd it. If you suffer through my poor spelling on this blog, you know what I am talking about. Unfortunatly, I have had a crash course in all things related this year. My husband, previously 100% healthy, developed dibilitating (sp) pain about a year ago. This was followed by horrible fatigue, shooting pain throughout his body, and because he is in pain 24/7, depression. We spent almost 10 months going from specialist to specialist to rule out things like MS, MDS, etc....They found nothing. That is how fibromyalgia looks. Nothing. Nothing shows up in x-ray, MRI, blood work ( except elevated muscle enzymes from a combination of muscle breaking down and pain killers). If they rule out everything, but you still feel like a 90 year old man with head to toe pain, it is Fibro.
There is not much known about it. They don't know what triggers it ( research says maybe a virus) or of it ever goes away. They don't really know how to treat it, other than to prescribe pain meds, anti depressants and to say "sorry, there's not much else to do." Thats where we are now. Brian is in pain daily. Sharp shooting pain that makes him stop and grab whatever body part the pain has decidede to hone in on. The pain is so intense it effects his mobility and be the end of the day, he is walking funny. He is pretty down most days. Who can balme him?? There is no end in sight, no cure, hell, not even a specialist around here. Every month or so I break down in the bathroom and cry for him. He is a young man. He was healthy, he eats well, doesn't smoke, never, not once took a drug, and works his butt off as a manager. He may have this the rest of his days. I don't know how he can take this day in and day out. I don't have it, and I can't take it. I am a control freak, and there is not one thing I can do to help him. It's hell. My heart breaks for him.
I guess we have to be grateful that it wasn't cancer, but it may as well have been MS. It's just as destructive. Pain meds every day can't be good for your body. It can't be an answer.

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