Friday, March 25, 2005

Kitty Boy

My daughter adopted a cat from the humane society today. Technically, I guess I did which is pretty big seeing as how I am not a cat person. I have a big golden retriever named Daisy and am loyal to her. Miranda, however, is a cat person in a dog person house. My husband and I decided to let her get a cat for her birthday. She has been trying to talk us into it for the past two years. In fact when we got Daisy she said " Awww....we should have got a cat." She was 4 years old and made this comment.
We went to the ASPCA in Glenville today and she feel in love with Baby. He is a 1 year old, buff colored kitty. He is actually the same color as our dog. She was so cute toting that cat carrier out of the shelter. It took all her strength to carry it. She picked him out cat toys and a cat blanket to sleep on. She spared no expense. Technically, I spared no expense.
When we got home, we were not sure how Daisy and Baby would get along. So far, it's a hate-hate relationship. Fur flew, cats hissed, dogs barked, and tails got really big. The dog is currently at my feet. The cat is curled up in Miranda's lap. I guess the animals can tell who they belong to. A cat for a cat person, a dog for a dog person. Homeostasis in my house.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005


A year ago if you asked me to spell that word, I would have butcherd it. If you suffer through my poor spelling on this blog, you know what I am talking about. Unfortunatly, I have had a crash course in all things related this year. My husband, previously 100% healthy, developed dibilitating (sp) pain about a year ago. This was followed by horrible fatigue, shooting pain throughout his body, and because he is in pain 24/7, depression. We spent almost 10 months going from specialist to specialist to rule out things like MS, MDS, etc....They found nothing. That is how fibromyalgia looks. Nothing. Nothing shows up in x-ray, MRI, blood work ( except elevated muscle enzymes from a combination of muscle breaking down and pain killers). If they rule out everything, but you still feel like a 90 year old man with head to toe pain, it is Fibro.
There is not much known about it. They don't know what triggers it ( research says maybe a virus) or of it ever goes away. They don't really know how to treat it, other than to prescribe pain meds, anti depressants and to say "sorry, there's not much else to do." Thats where we are now. Brian is in pain daily. Sharp shooting pain that makes him stop and grab whatever body part the pain has decidede to hone in on. The pain is so intense it effects his mobility and be the end of the day, he is walking funny. He is pretty down most days. Who can balme him?? There is no end in sight, no cure, hell, not even a specialist around here. Every month or so I break down in the bathroom and cry for him. He is a young man. He was healthy, he eats well, doesn't smoke, never, not once took a drug, and works his butt off as a manager. He may have this the rest of his days. I don't know how he can take this day in and day out. I don't have it, and I can't take it. I am a control freak, and there is not one thing I can do to help him. It's hell. My heart breaks for him.
I guess we have to be grateful that it wasn't cancer, but it may as well have been MS. It's just as destructive. Pain meds every day can't be good for your body. It can't be an answer.

Miss Congeniality????

I went on my first education job interview at a Teacher Recruitment fair. All dressed up in my suit, hair perfect, makeup looking fine, I felt like I was going into the interview portion of a pagent. When I got to my appointment, they had four carefully constructed questions to ask me. The questions were kind of broad and I felt like I needed to answer " World peace. I really do want world peace." The last question especially made me feel like I needed to lean into the microphone and smile and the judges. They asked me " What is the biggest challenge facing educators today and what can we do about it." Fortunatly, I know how to talk in sound bites and had a great answer: " The underfunding of education by our Federal Government, placing the extra financial burden on our already fiscally strapped communities. Educators are expected to do more with less, while teaching to standards and federal guidelines. We have to be creative and go after grants and use our community resources until the government makes education a priority again." Damn, I hope I smiled at the camera! That was brilliant. Somebody give me a crown.

You know, a beauty pagent ( of which I have actually kind of been in and won, Herkimer Co Dairy Princess 1988-89, thank you) and a job interview are really a lot alike. We put on our best, we polish the questions, and we hope they vote for us. And who doesn't want world peace?

Sunday, March 20, 2005


I was watching Entertainment Tonight last night, it was "Hollywood Scandals" night. I must admit this is a guilty pleasure of mine, getting up to speed on the scandals. Last night they focused on the cast of Bewitched. I never realized that a show that brought me so much pleasure was filled with a cast that would go on to experience so mush heart break. The beautiful Elizabeth Montgomery I have come to realize had been married 3 times. Although she went on to have 2 kids with hubby #2, you wonder if she ever found true love or marital bliss? Then, to have undiagnosed colon cancer for 2 years and later die of the disease at just 62. She would be 72 today, the same age as my parents.
The 2 men that played Darren Stevens went on to have their own heartbreaks as well. Dick Sargent, having to hide his gay lover for years until he came out, only to be diagnosed with prostrate cancer a few years later and die. Then we have the saddest story of them all. Darren Stevens #1, what was his name? That is the sad part, I didn't even remember his name. He had a back injury in the 5 seasons he was on the show, became addicted to pain killers, and wound up on welfare, suffering from emphysema his last years of life.
On a happy note, the girl that played Tabitha grew up completely normal and is now around my age. I loved that show. I would rush home from school to watch it every afternoon. When I grew up, I wanted to have a house and family just like Samantha Stevens. That show was kind of magical to me, and when I hear the opening music, I feel nostalgic and a little sad all at the same time. My daughter had been enjoying reruns on TV Land ( our favorite station), and I had to explain to her what reruns were and how old the show was. We will definately be waiting for the movie to hit the big screen soon. I hope they do it justice. This show defines some of my childhood, they need to get it right.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Discrimination 2005 style

You know, I thought women had come so far and made all these advances in the work force. We have had the vote since the 20's, have flooded the work force, and even proved we can parent and hold down careers. Then this!!!
By this, I mean finding a job while pregnant. I am about to graduate with my Master's in Counseling in May. I have worked my A%^ off going to school at night, working, parenting, and doing well in school. I have a 3.89. 2 1/2 years! AND I am becoming a really good counselor. My downfall is that I am pregnant and will be looking for a school job and need a maternity leave during the school year. I had these rose colored glasses on and was thinking that I still may get a job. I was thinking this until I talked to the Principal at the school I am interning at. He said, truthfully, there is not an Administrator that will hire me knowing that I will need a 6 week replacement. He said there are all kinds of unfair hiring practices that go on in the schools. So much for my optimism!!!
Legally, they can't not hire me because I am PG, but they can say there is someone more qualified. I am so disappointed. I have wanted to have this baby for 4 years. I also, more than anything want to start my career as a children's counselor. I am used to juggling a million things. I will be done with grad school, even, that's one less ball in the air. Why do I have to prove myself? Why do I have to hide myself and be untruthful. Becuase I am a woman, and things still are not where they should be in society. That's why. I guess it could be worse. I could be a minority woman, or a gay woman. If I feel discriminated against, imagine how they feel? It ain't right! Excuse me while I go burn my bras.

Monday, March 14, 2005

My Own Private Idaho

Like the B-52's, I am searching for my own private Idaho. Actually, we are looking for Stuckeyville, or Bedford Falls. Those little towns out of movies and TV shows that are picturesque. Main streets with variety stores, coffee shops, lunch counters, and other Pleasantville-esq scenes. We watch reuns of ED on TBS and then go driving around looking for Stuckeyville. It looks like a town in NY, except we haven't found it. We find towns that look close, but the houses are all new construction. Vinyl boxes void of charm and character. We got close when we lived in Hartwick. Cooperstown was very close to being stuckyville, but the housing prices and lack of jobs in Otsego county kind of put a damper on it.
We will hopefully be ready to move out of our 2 family and into our house this year. We have been waiting until I finish graduate school and get a contract. We wander aimlessly on the weekends in search of the perfect town for us, but haven't found the right fit yet. It's been interesting living in Schenectady, but I am ready for a small town. Not too small. It has to have more than one stop light, pizza and chinese, and a grocery store chain that I have heard of. The people can't have missing teeth or drive trucks with gun racks and Confederate flags. I don't want my foster daughter to be the diversity, either, so it has to have some diversity. Am I being too picky???? Does anyone know how to get to Stuckeyville?

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Pixie Dust!

Miranda has been busy planning her birthday party. We told her that we were just having a family party this year because she is getting a kitten for her birthday. With the adoption fees, supplies, and vet expenses, we really can't do both. I was afraid she would be upset, since all her little friends are having the Jeepers parties, tubing parties, etc.....She was fine with it! Wanted to know what kind of decorations we could get.
After school yesterday, we went to that huge party store, where, if they don't have it, you don't need it. After looking at all the party themes, she almost jumped out of her skin when we saw the Tinkerbell party ware. "I want to have a Tink party," she exclaimed as she jumped up and down. It was so cute that I was thinking I wanted to have a Tinkerbell party, too. So we got enough cups, plates, napkins, tablecloths, and invitations to cover the house in Tink. When we got to the register, imagine our surprise when it was 50% off! Woo Hoo, an unexpected bargain.
Come April 10, my house will be the one glittering in fairy dust. Hard to believe this little girl will be 7 years old. Faith, trust, and pixie dust my little peeper girl. I can't wait till your party.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Mr. Joy

I had to go in for my monthly maternity exam today, and am happy to say everything looks good! However, of course I have a story to tell. My OB couldn't find the babies heartbeat with the Doppler. I wasn't freaking out because I didn't hear Mirandas until I was around 14 or 15 weeks. My uterus is tipped way back and that is where my little baby is currently nestled. Peeper did the same thing. So, to assure me the baby was find, my Doc decided to do another ultra sound. HOWEVER, with the belly sonogram, they couldn't see the baby too well because of the location, once again. My Doc then gets out the transvaginal ultra sound. This is a piece of medical fun that goes inside "down there." They use it when you first get pregnant to get an early glimpse of the baby. It more or less resembles a sex tox, as it has to go inside "down there." So, I say outloud " Oh, I thought I was done with Mr. Joy." My OB has a wierd sense of humor and didn't get that I was being sarcastic. He said he never had anyone name it or refer to it as "Mr. Joy." I was saying "Mr. Joy", as in "Oh, joy.......I get to have that again."

So now my OB thinks I like sex toys. Just great.......The good news is that the baby's heat was beating nice and strong at 153bpm. We saw a head and limbs, and he was even, at 1.3 inches little, sucking on his toes. Amazing. Um, thanks for a good time, Mr. Joy!

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Family Court

I hate family court. It is not a pleasant place. It is nowhere near what you see on "Judging Amy."
The waiting room is the worse part of it. Once you make it through the security check point, which rivals the airport, you get to "sit in chairs" as I call it. They have all these plastic chairs in a little space and it is always full of people. Lawyers, case workers, law guardians, and the families. The awful part is you have to sit in close proximity, so you are there in the waiting room with the very people you are fighting in court.
The lawyers, most of whom only see their clients in the waiting room, have pre-trial meetings out in the open. Confidentiality? Forgetaboutit. You get to hear everything that is going on in each case. The lawyer representing Anna's bio father is what we call the "Loud Talker." Like a character out of Seinfeld, he looks like Eyeore. He never smiles, looks like doom and gloom, and talks really loud. I think he has a hearing problem and can't hear how loud he is. He usually has those pre-trial meetings in the waiting room and we hear everything that will be going on. At least we have prior knowledge of what he is going to present in court.
I hate that place. There are deadbeat dads there being dragged in. Disgruntled moms fighting for custody, foster cases where the neglectful parents are trying to get their kids back. Normally, I like to eveasdrop and people watch. It's just not fun at family court. Anyone thinking about divorce should hang out there for a day or two. It just might change your mind!!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Baby Talk

The girls seem fascinated that I have a baby growing inside of me. It is kind of freaky, if you really think about it. A person grows another person inside of them and then squeezes them out. Only you have no memory of it, thank god!
Miranda is very excited. She is hoping that it's a boy and not another girl to get into her Barbies. She talks to the baby in my tummy and says " Baby, it's your sister Miranda." Cute! She drew a picture at school of me with the baby in my tummy. She drew the baby with wings and said it was an angel. How does she know that? For as hard as it was to get pregnant, and the loss and heartache we went through, I think it is an angel. She is so smart and sensitive. She is a great big sister. The best.
Anna, at 3, has to think about the fact that I have a baby in there. I am not showing yet, and she has a teacher that is 9 months pregnant with a big belly. So, she asks me throughout the day " There's a baby in there mama???" She has the most puzzled look on her face. Tonight she asked me what the baby's name was " girl baby or boy baby." Then she said " Is there 2 Mama." I really hope not. My OB said one, if he is wrong, I will hang him by the toes over the Northway northbound during rush hour. No Anna, just 1. As much as we want another baby, we just want 1, thank you.
I never thought we would get to have these baby discussions in my house. These are some of the best conversations I have ever had. I can't wait to find out if it is a girl baby, or a boy baby. AS long as it's only 1.......