Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Notebook

No, not a cool new laptop computer, I am speaking of the movie The Notebook, based on the book by Nicholas Sparks. I have read Sparks work, and am a fan of his romantic time shattering love stories. In fact, I usually end up in tears by the end of his stories. This movie was no different. We rented it last night, and my throat hurts from crying. What a great story. What a great love.
I have always been a romantic, almost a fatalist romantic, in that I believe things happen for a reason and fate brings people together. It is no different with my own real life love story. It was fate that I went to HCCC. I had thought I wanted to go to Cortland, but never applied becuase of other things happening in my life and with my family. I wanted to be closer to home, so I really didn't explore other options. Although Brian and I didn't have to overcome great hurdles to be together, like Noah and Ellie in The Notebook, it was from the start, a great romance. I had met a guy as romantic as me. One who loved me as intensly as I loved him. I met a man who was heading in the same direction as myself, with the same goals, the same hobbies, even the desire to have 3 children. If I hadn't gone to HCCC, I never would have met Brian.
I saw our lives 30 years in the future when I met Brian, and I was able to see happiness. I couldn't see my life anyother way. As we approach our 10 year Anniversary this June, I realize how lucky I am, to have met my great love. To still be in love with him, to still hold hands, embrace daily, to still be able to see our lives 30 years down the road and to still see happiness. The statistics were not with us, as 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Somehow, we have survived financial crunches, health issues, dissappointments, and have come out together. We still have unrealized dreams and goals to meet, but I know together, we will continue on our journey, hand in hand.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Just Sit on the Porch and Swing

Even my beloved B-52's were hip enough to know the virtues of the porch swing, as they sang about it in "Deadbeat Club". My grandparents had one on their front porch, as did my own parents. I am now the happy owner of one! It is being assembled, not by a Chinamen, but by my husband as we speak.
We had a yard swing we bought when Miranda was a baby. It survived 2 moves and almost 7 years before being shredded and used as insulation for the squirrels. It was canvas, and last fall the evil squirrels that overrun our city somehow figured my swing was stuffed with fiberfill and fiberfill would make lovely insulation for their nest. They shred it open and made off with the stuffing. We saw bits of my swing and the stuffing high in the tree next to my house. Even today, you can look up and see a fine canvas lined squirrel nest. Bastards. I loved that swing. It was big, deep, had a canapoy to keep the sun out, and my whole family could fit in in. Many summer days and evenings were spent contemplating life on that swing. Many great library books were read on it as Miranda played in the yard or swam in the pool.
So, as we were taking the swing apart this spring, my cousin suggested using the frame to hang a wooden porch swing on. Hello! Why didn't I think of that. The frame is perfect! I went to Lou's Bargain Outlet ( the home improvement store formally known as Grossman's, and BTW, who is Lou anyways?) I got one for 70.00, which was a gamble because it wasn't on display and I didn't know how well made it would be. Surprise, surprise! It's made of teakwood, wonderfully made, solid, and looks very nice. Imagine how cute it will look with little pillows and cushions in my back yard? I can't wait!
And somehow, Brian is assembling it without a cross word. He is so patient. He does have 2 little helpers. How could you go wrong? I am going to grab a lemonade and contemplate life again. All is right in the world.

Easy Come, Easy Go

I am using the tax refund money to pay up bills. What a sad thing to have to do with a large windfall of cash. I worked hard this year at tax time and found a lot of deductions for us. Unfortunately, my internships were unpaid this year, and I brought in 0 income. It took a toll on us as now I have to pay back the credit card bill, the taxes I had put off for two quaters, and a stack of medical bills. I love to save money, and would like nothing better than to save this tax refund. It is killing me to be writing out checks and watching it dwindle. Next year I vow to be in a better place, working full time, bills paid off, that some of the tax money can be saved money and some can just be fun money. We will have another baby to add as a dependent, and Anna, not only as a dependent, but we will get the adoption tax credit (10K).

So here's to watching this refund go on our responsibilities and here's to dreaming about next years. Easy come, easy go I guess.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


I first heard this term in my multicultiral diversity class as St. Rose. The class was more than just about people from different cultures. It was about people that are different and the needs of these people as you work with them. Passing. It means people that try to pass as other things. Biracial people trying to pass as white. Gays trying to pass as straight. Transgenders trying to pass as the opposite sex, family women trying to pass as career women. I am now a trying to pass. I am trying to pass as a non-pregnant woman to get a job that I fairly deserve. It's hard work! Do I look pregnant today? Are my clothes covering up my little baby tummy? Did I remember to not mention the baby? Do I need a girdle to pull my stomach in more. I wish I didn't have to pass. I can't imagine having to do this on a daily basis just to get what is due in the world. For all the people that have to try to pass as other things, I feel some of your pain. And it sucks!

Don't You Want Me Baby?

I have put myself out there interviewing for counseling jobs. So far, 8 down, who knows how many to go until I get a job. The good thing is, 4 have gone really really well. I can't believe that Principals and Assistant Superintendents actually find me worthy of second interviews. I haven't offically been called yet, but I have been verbally told to get my applications in, that I was qualified, and that I made a great impression. I called one school to follow up and was told " great, the Principal was just in here looking for your folder." First of all, holy shit! I have a folder and secondly, someone was looking for it.

Yup, they want me. I at least feel like I have a shot at a counseling job, as good a shot as any.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Country Roads

There is this really old country song ( even I don't know who sings it) that goes " Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong." I have always liked that song. I remember it from my own childhood in the country. My sister had the album and we used to sing it. It's funny how things come full circle, isn't it?
I guess I have always been a country girl. I love wide open spaces, fresh air, clothes lines, wildflowers, and the frequent sighting of cows. The country girl came to the city 4 years ago, because it was something I wanted to experience. We bought a house in a historic distric and live 3 blocks from the city center. I found it neat being able to walk everywhere, having the option of taking public transportation ( and actually doing so a couple of drunken nights), and being able to order take-out from anywhere. It's an experience I wanted to have. I wanted to live in a neighborhood, and experience having multiple neighbors. I am glad we did it, but I have reached my full circle. It's time to move back to the country.
I am in the process of looking for a job, and have applied to 3 schools, and 2 agencies in the Capital Region. I have also applied to school positions in Central New York. We have been looking at rural property both here in the Capital Region, which I really do like, and in Central NY. We are at a crossroads in our life and are only sure that we want to sell our house and buy an old country home with some land. Since coming to this conclusion, and we both feel the same way, it is like life makes sence again. It had stopped making sence here, and all the things we moved to this house for have been satisfied. We moved here for Brian to open the Half Moon store. Check. I was able to quit working full time and go to grad school, something harder to accomplish if I had to drive an hour or more to school. Check. It is time to move on to a bigger house, after all, the baby needs his own room, and to wide open spaces. A place where Brian can relax more and ease some of his stress. Maybe he would feel better?
My niece recently asked me " Aunt Deena, ( thats what she calls me) why do you live so far away? Kayana, that is a good question!
So, Country roads, take me home to the place I belong. West Virginia, mountain Mama, take me home, country roads.

April Showers

I really dislike the month of April. My daughter was born in April, you think I would like it, but the month was tainted long ago. I dislike it for various reasons. First, all the rain. Rain daily tends to depress me. I can't let the girls play outside, can't yet do yard work, and the mud!! The mud drives me crazy. The dog really likes the mud and comes in muddy from head to toe. Being OCD, this drives me to drink. I like things neat and clean please.
I have also disliked April due to all the family deaths in April. My grandmother passed away in April, as did her mother. I have a grandfather that died in April, and a favorite great uncle, Uncle Allen, who passed away in April. I had my first miscarriage in April, as well. I find it odd that I would dislike an entire month, as I really do love Spring, but I like Spring May style. Warm weather, flowers and lilacs blooming, Memorial weekend and the official kick off of Summer. I wish I could hibernate the month away, but somebody has to clean up the mud!

Rain rain go away.......