When You Wish Upon a Star

This sweet little angel found her way to my home last year because I did wish for her. More than anything, I wanted another child and there she was. She is my daughter. I can't believe it will be up to a judge to decide weather she stays or goes home to a man with a rap sheet that goes back to 1977 with so many offenses he can't remember what the crimes were.
Please, for the love of Anna, my little Doodle Bug, say a prayer, rub a Buddah, kiss a monk, call in the Ya-Ya's, whatever you can do to life her up so that she gets the home she deserves, I am asking you to do. I am begging you. She is my daughter, and we couldn't love anything more.

Getting my *stuff* together

Alright, getting my shit together is what I meant. I will be graduating in 13 weeks, not that I am counting. I took a quantom leap and went back to grad school 2 years ago. It's been a long lean road of late night home work and being creative with the money because I wasn't making any. It is so close I can taste it, touch it, and see myself in an office with the line of kids waiting to see me. BUT, now the time has come to get my shit together to launch my job search.
It's funny that I have learned how to career counsel people, write killer resumes, and work the interviews, and I am almost dreading doing it myself. I have opened my credential file on campus and I have four reference letters, 2 from professors, 2 from counselors, but that is all I have done. I am procrastinating writing my resume. I want it to be perfect, to stand out and bite a school administrator so they will read it, yet here I sit putting it off.
If I had to analyze myself, I would say I was a little scared. 2 years, 60 credits, and 40K in debt is a lot to invest in a dream. I am a teensy bit scared that the jobs won't be there this spring when I am searching. I need to kick myself in the butt and get going. I need to market myself, call on all my educational friends, network my ass off, and write the killer resume. Fortunatley, I have to have my resume in for the Education Expo on campus, so this will force me to get my shit together!!!!!!
I have nothing to fear but fear itself!!!!

Emotional Eminem

I was driving home from class last night when I heard the new song Eminem wrote to his daughter, Hayley. I can't believe I was actually crying. Over Eminen!!! He has really evolved as an artist. I couldn't stand him when he broke on the scene. I thought he was a bad role model and I hated that everyother word had to be bleeped out.
He has come a long way. When he started poking fun at himself and cleaning up the language, I have grown fond of him. I appreciate his struggles and all that he went through. I really appreciate what he is saying to his daughter and how he seems to be doing right by her. I have met so many kids at my new elementary school that have parents that are not just dysfunctional, but outright neglectful. Resources are limited, yet they have 6-8 more kids. Kids that don't have beds, that are so neglected that they pee themselves in school and that are so poor that all they got for Christmas was shoes from a social worker. If Eminem has made it out of his poverty, his white trash life style, neglectful mom, and came out with better parenting skills, maybe there's hope for the kids I am working with??? Maybe they can be the ones that make it? I'm not talking Rap Star making it, I am talking good parent and member of society making it.

Never in a million years would I have thought Eminem would instill hope in me. Of course, I never thought I would shed a tear over one of his songs, either. I hope that he continues to be the dad that apparently he never had and to give his children a better life than he had, and I don't just mean the material needs. I am impressed with him. As a counselor, I obviously have faith that people can overcome, and that people can change. Thanks for the good example Marshall Mathers. Rap on.

Get AWAY from my computer NOW!

I am so grumpy about all the unaothorized activity on my computer. After the whole Trojan, I have tightened up my computer's security like Fort Knox. Even still, I am getting pings on my firewall, other computers trying to access my files, and , AND after all this, I find a CWS Trojan during my daily spyware scan. SAD! I have to scan for virus and spyware daily. My internet activity, although daily, is limited to a few things. I have a Mom's message board that I am a member of, a few blogs I read daily, a couple favorite shopping sites ( Old Navy, JCP, Barnes and Noble), and occassionally, I am doing research. It seems like there wouldn't be so much going on with the few things I do online. My friend JP says "go Mac." I almost wish my computer weren't so new, or I would. When I update my PC next time, two things need to happen. I need to take him shopping with me, and I want a computer that people can't access. I just don't feel safe on the internet anymore and I need to. I'm taking an online course this semster. I don't have 4 days of my life to factory reinstall and redownload all my programs again. Not to mention that is 4 days I will never get back.

So, in short: Leave my computer ALONE. Go away, I'd turn back if I were you. I'm about to Jackie Chan your modem if you don't leave me alone.

That wan Then, this is Now

That was then.....

This photo was taken in 1981. I am the one decked out like an Army General in the back row. Troop 592, from Cedarville, Ny, Foothills Council. Our leader's name was Rose Gala. What a neat lady. I always hoped that I would have a daughter some day that wanted to be a Girl Scout. I had such a great time as one from first grade, through eighth grade. I never imagined that I would be the leader.
When I searched for a troop in our area, all I found was a waiting list of 80 girls waiting for people to volunteer to lead troops. You see, there were girls, but nobody stepped up to the plate to start troops. I am so proud of Sandi and I stepping up and leading the 12 little girls that belong to and love our troop. These little girls will have the same found memories that I have and will learn some great things along the way.
Rose Gala used to carry this bag bursting with her files, her craft supplies, her first aid kit, and her leader books. It's funny that now some 24 years later, the leader bag I carry looks so familiar. Thank you Rose, for all you did for the girls that used to meet at the Cedarville Fire House afterschool. I'm sure I am not the only one who took away things that made me the woman I am now.

Coming Out of the Dark

I feel like clebrating! Like doing virtual backflips and cartwheels. After 1 trojan virus, 2 weeks of trying to fix my computer and finally doing a factory reinstall, and the past 4 days of reloading and updating everything, I feel like I am back in the land of the living.
It's funny how I have only had a computer for 7 years, but being without it for a couple days was excruciating. I wasn't able to blog, to create, to do simple things like write my parent letter for my Brownie troop. After the re-install, it was particulary difficult. I am OCD, I like things a certain way. I am the girl that has my desktop icons in a certain order and I know if they get messed with. I couldn't sleep until my computer was returned to the exact way I had it.
The good thing is, that the trojan didn't get me. I re-emerged with a better, stronger, smarter, more efficient system. When I reloaded everything, I went online and got all the updates. I set everything up to auto update and auto scan. If I had software that I really didn't use before, I didn't reload it. I feel like my computer is in better shape now. Even though it's only 10 months old, it had a lot of outdated stuff that came factory installed.
So, it's great to be back!!! Now I need to focus on getting a new digital camera, now that mine bit the dust. I can tell you one thing, it WON'T be a Kodak. They can kiss my megapixels.

Who needs Bill and Ted to have an excellent adventure?? 

Family, it's About Time

I love those commercials for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that end with " Family, it's about time." So true. I have been enjoying vacation and my family the last few days. As my life get's busy with grad school, my internship, and trying to keep it all together, I forget to enjoy my family. Just yesterday, we had a snuggle pile on my bed. Brian, Miranda, Anna, the dog and I. We hung out, tickled the girls, laughed, and were this heap on the bed of arms, legs, and paws.
I have taken time this week to listen to the girls, not just hear what they were saying, but listen. Some things overheard at my house this week:
Miranda and Anna were sitting on the breakfast stools eating banannas. Anna was a little messy with hers. Miranda says " Mom, clean up in aisle 1." I almost peed my pants laughing. She's a comedian. Anna and I were watching a movie last night, trying to stay awake to see the ball drop. She grabs my face and says " We're a family." Wise wisdom from a 3 year old.
Anna and I were just petting Daisy. Daisy rolled over to have her tummy rubbed. I said " Daisy, you are such a baby." Anna thinks about it and says " No she's NOT. Her is a DOG Mama." She had a point there.
As I get busy again with my grad classes, my next internship, volunteering in Miranda's school and Brownies, I am going to remember to stop, take time, and just listen to the day to day chatter that goes on in my house. I am never going to get this day back. The girls continue to grow and change bit by bit everyday. This year I am going to continue to live like there's no tommorow, love unconditionally, and laugh, from the belly, once a day.
Welcome 2005! A year of promise, new houses (Sandi), Master's degrees ( Dana AND Kim, tell me that's not cool), and new adventures in parenting.