Kitty Boy

My daughter adopted a cat from the humane society today. Technically, I guess I did which is pretty big seeing as how I am not a cat person. I have a big golden retriever named Daisy and am loyal to her. Miranda, however, is a cat person in a dog person house. My husband and I decided to let her get a cat for her birthday. She has been trying to talk us into it for the past two years. In fact when we got Daisy she said " Awww....we should have got a cat." She was 4 years old and made this comment.
We went to the ASPCA in Glenville today and she feel in love with Baby. He is a 1 year old, buff colored kitty. He is actually the same color as our dog. She was so cute toting that cat carrier out of the shelter. It took all her strength to carry it. She picked him out cat toys and a cat blanket to sleep on. She spared no expense. Technically, I spared no expense.
When we got home, we were not sure how Daisy and Baby would get along. So far, it's a hate-hate relationship. Fur flew, cats hissed, dogs barked, and tails got really big. The dog is currently at my feet. The cat is curled up in Miranda's lap. I guess the animals can tell who they belong to. A cat for a cat person, a dog for a dog person. Homeostasis in my house.

Fibromyalgia

A year ago if you asked me to spell that word, I would have butcherd it. If you suffer through my poor spelling on this blog, you know what I am talking about. Unfortunatly, I have had a crash course in all things related this year. My husband, previously 100% healthy, developed dibilitating (sp) pain about a year ago. This was followed by horrible fatigue, shooting pain throughout his body, and because he is in pain 24/7, depression. We spent almost 10 months going from specialist to specialist to rule out things like MS, MDS, etc....They found nothing. That is how fibromyalgia looks. Nothing. Nothing shows up in x-ray, MRI, blood work ( except elevated muscle enzymes from a combination of muscle breaking down and pain killers). If they rule out everything, but you still feel like a 90 year old man with head to toe pain, it is Fibro.
There is not much known about it. They don't know what triggers it ( research says maybe a virus) or of it ever goes away. They don't really know how to treat it, other than to prescribe pain meds, anti depressants and to say "sorry, there's not much else to do." Thats where we are now. Brian is in pain daily. Sharp shooting pain that makes him stop and grab whatever body part the pain has decidede to hone in on. The pain is so intense it effects his mobility and be the end of the day, he is walking funny. He is pretty down most days. Who can balme him?? There is no end in sight, no cure, hell, not even a specialist around here. Every month or so I break down in the bathroom and cry for him. He is a young man. He was healthy, he eats well, doesn't smoke, never, not once took a drug, and works his butt off as a manager. He may have this the rest of his days. I don't know how he can take this day in and day out. I don't have it, and I can't take it. I am a control freak, and there is not one thing I can do to help him. It's hell. My heart breaks for him.
I guess we have to be grateful that it wasn't cancer, but it may as well have been MS. It's just as destructive. Pain meds every day can't be good for your body. It can't be an answer.

Miss Congeniality????

I went on my first education job interview at a Teacher Recruitment fair. All dressed up in my suit, hair perfect, makeup looking fine, I felt like I was going into the interview portion of a pagent. When I got to my appointment, they had four carefully constructed questions to ask me. The questions were kind of broad and I felt like I needed to answer " World peace. I really do want world peace." The last question especially made me feel like I needed to lean into the microphone and smile and the judges. They asked me " What is the biggest challenge facing educators today and what can we do about it." Fortunatly, I know how to talk in sound bites and had a great answer: " The underfunding of education by our Federal Government, placing the extra financial burden on our already fiscally strapped communities. Educators are expected to do more with less, while teaching to standards and federal guidelines. We have to be creative and go after grants and use our community resources until the government makes education a priority again." Damn, I hope I smiled at the camera! That was brilliant. Somebody give me a crown.

You know, a beauty pagent ( of which I have actually kind of been in and won, Herkimer Co Dairy Princess 1988-89, thank you) and a job interview are really a lot alike. We put on our best, we polish the questions, and we hope they vote for us. And who doesn't want world peace?

B*Witched

I was watching Entertainment Tonight last night, it was "Hollywood Scandals" night. I must admit this is a guilty pleasure of mine, getting up to speed on the scandals. Last night they focused on the cast of Bewitched. I never realized that a show that brought me so much pleasure was filled with a cast that would go on to experience so mush heart break. The beautiful Elizabeth Montgomery I have come to realize had been married 3 times. Although she went on to have 2 kids with hubby #2, you wonder if she ever found true love or marital bliss? Then, to have undiagnosed colon cancer for 2 years and later die of the disease at just 62. She would be 72 today, the same age as my parents.
The 2 men that played Darren Stevens went on to have their own heartbreaks as well. Dick Sargent, having to hide his gay lover for years until he came out, only to be diagnosed with prostrate cancer a few years later and die. Then we have the saddest story of them all. Darren Stevens #1, what was his name? That is the sad part, I didn't even remember his name. He had a back injury in the 5 seasons he was on the show, became addicted to pain killers, and wound up on welfare, suffering from emphysema his last years of life.
On a happy note, the girl that played Tabitha grew up completely normal and is now around my age. I loved that show. I would rush home from school to watch it every afternoon. When I grew up, I wanted to have a house and family just like Samantha Stevens. That show was kind of magical to me, and when I hear the opening music, I feel nostalgic and a little sad all at the same time. My daughter had been enjoying reruns on TV Land ( our favorite station), and I had to explain to her what reruns were and how old the show was. We will definately be waiting for the movie to hit the big screen soon. I hope they do it justice. This show defines some of my childhood, they need to get it right.

Discrimination 2005 style

You know, I thought women had come so far and made all these advances in the work force. We have had the vote since the 20's, have flooded the work force, and even proved we can parent and hold down careers. Then this!!!
By this, I mean finding a job while pregnant. I am about to graduate with my Master's in Counseling in May. I have worked my A%^ off going to school at night, working, parenting, and doing well in school. I have a 3.89. 2 1/2 years! AND I am becoming a really good counselor. My downfall is that I am pregnant and will be looking for a school job and need a maternity leave during the school year. I had these rose colored glasses on and was thinking that I still may get a job. I was thinking this until I talked to the Principal at the school I am interning at. He said, truthfully, there is not an Administrator that will hire me knowing that I will need a 6 week replacement. He said there are all kinds of unfair hiring practices that go on in the schools. So much for my optimism!!!
Legally, they can't not hire me because I am PG, but they can say there is someone more qualified. I am so disappointed. I have wanted to have this baby for 4 years. I also, more than anything want to start my career as a children's counselor. I am used to juggling a million things. I will be done with grad school, even, that's one less ball in the air. Why do I have to prove myself? Why do I have to hide myself and be untruthful. Becuase I am a woman, and things still are not where they should be in society. That's why. I guess it could be worse. I could be a minority woman, or a gay woman. If I feel discriminated against, imagine how they feel? It ain't right! Excuse me while I go burn my bras.

My Own Private Idaho

Like the B-52's, I am searching for my own private Idaho. Actually, we are looking for Stuckeyville, or Bedford Falls. Those little towns out of movies and TV shows that are picturesque. Main streets with variety stores, coffee shops, lunch counters, and other Pleasantville-esq scenes. We watch reuns of ED on TBS and then go driving around looking for Stuckeyville. It looks like a town in NY, except we haven't found it. We find towns that look close, but the houses are all new construction. Vinyl boxes void of charm and character. We got close when we lived in Hartwick. Cooperstown was very close to being stuckyville, but the housing prices and lack of jobs in Otsego county kind of put a damper on it.
We will hopefully be ready to move out of our 2 family and into our house this year. We have been waiting until I finish graduate school and get a contract. We wander aimlessly on the weekends in search of the perfect town for us, but haven't found the right fit yet. It's been interesting living in Schenectady, but I am ready for a small town. Not too small. It has to have more than one stop light, pizza and chinese, and a grocery store chain that I have heard of. The people can't have missing teeth or drive trucks with gun racks and Confederate flags. I don't want my foster daughter to be the diversity, either, so it has to have some diversity. Am I being too picky???? Does anyone know how to get to Stuckeyville?

Pixie Dust!

Miranda has been busy planning her birthday party. We told her that we were just having a family party this year because she is getting a kitten for her birthday. With the adoption fees, supplies, and vet expenses, we really can't do both. I was afraid she would be upset, since all her little friends are having the Jeepers parties, tubing parties, etc.....She was fine with it! Wanted to know what kind of decorations we could get.
After school yesterday, we went to that huge party store, where, if they don't have it, you don't need it. After looking at all the party themes, she almost jumped out of her skin when we saw the Tinkerbell party ware. "I want to have a Tink party," she exclaimed as she jumped up and down. It was so cute that I was thinking I wanted to have a Tinkerbell party, too. So we got enough cups, plates, napkins, tablecloths, and invitations to cover the house in Tink. When we got to the register, imagine our surprise when it was 50% off! Woo Hoo, an unexpected bargain.
Come April 10, my house will be the one glittering in fairy dust. Hard to believe this little girl will be 7 years old. Faith, trust, and pixie dust my little peeper girl. I can't wait till your party.

Mr. Joy

I had to go in for my monthly maternity exam today, and am happy to say everything looks good! However, of course I have a story to tell. My OB couldn't find the babies heartbeat with the Doppler. I wasn't freaking out because I didn't hear Mirandas until I was around 14 or 15 weeks. My uterus is tipped way back and that is where my little baby is currently nestled. Peeper did the same thing. So, to assure me the baby was find, my Doc decided to do another ultra sound. HOWEVER, with the belly sonogram, they couldn't see the baby too well because of the location, once again. My Doc then gets out the transvaginal ultra sound. This is a piece of medical fun that goes inside "down there." They use it when you first get pregnant to get an early glimpse of the baby. It more or less resembles a sex tox, as it has to go inside "down there." So, I say outloud " Oh, I thought I was done with Mr. Joy." My OB has a wierd sense of humor and didn't get that I was being sarcastic. He said he never had anyone name it or refer to it as "Mr. Joy." I was saying "Mr. Joy", as in "Oh, joy.......I get to have that again."

So now my OB thinks I like sex toys. Just great.......The good news is that the baby's heat was beating nice and strong at 153bpm. We saw a head and limbs, and he was even, at 1.3 inches little, sucking on his toes. Amazing. Um, thanks for a good time, Mr. Joy!

Family Court

I hate family court. It is not a pleasant place. It is nowhere near what you see on "Judging Amy."
The waiting room is the worse part of it. Once you make it through the security check point, which rivals the airport, you get to "sit in chairs" as I call it. They have all these plastic chairs in a little space and it is always full of people. Lawyers, case workers, law guardians, and the families. The awful part is you have to sit in close proximity, so you are there in the waiting room with the very people you are fighting in court.
The lawyers, most of whom only see their clients in the waiting room, have pre-trial meetings out in the open. Confidentiality? Forgetaboutit. You get to hear everything that is going on in each case. The lawyer representing Anna's bio father is what we call the "Loud Talker." Like a character out of Seinfeld, he looks like Eyeore. He never smiles, looks like doom and gloom, and talks really loud. I think he has a hearing problem and can't hear how loud he is. He usually has those pre-trial meetings in the waiting room and we hear everything that will be going on. At least we have prior knowledge of what he is going to present in court.
I hate that place. There are deadbeat dads there being dragged in. Disgruntled moms fighting for custody, foster cases where the neglectful parents are trying to get their kids back. Normally, I like to eveasdrop and people watch. It's just not fun at family court. Anyone thinking about divorce should hang out there for a day or two. It just might change your mind!!

Baby Talk

The girls seem fascinated that I have a baby growing inside of me. It is kind of freaky, if you really think about it. A person grows another person inside of them and then squeezes them out. Only you have no memory of it, thank god!
Miranda is very excited. She is hoping that it's a boy and not another girl to get into her Barbies. She talks to the baby in my tummy and says " Baby, it's your sister Miranda." Cute! She drew a picture at school of me with the baby in my tummy. She drew the baby with wings and said it was an angel. How does she know that? For as hard as it was to get pregnant, and the loss and heartache we went through, I think it is an angel. She is so smart and sensitive. She is a great big sister. The best.
Anna, at 3, has to think about the fact that I have a baby in there. I am not showing yet, and she has a teacher that is 9 months pregnant with a big belly. So, she asks me throughout the day " There's a baby in there mama???" She has the most puzzled look on her face. Tonight she asked me what the baby's name was " girl baby or boy baby." Then she said " Is there 2 Mama." I really hope not. My OB said one, if he is wrong, I will hang him by the toes over the Northway northbound during rush hour. No Anna, just 1. As much as we want another baby, we just want 1, thank you.
I never thought we would get to have these baby discussions in my house. These are some of the best conversations I have ever had. I can't wait to find out if it is a girl baby, or a boy baby. AS long as it's only 1.......

Wierd Dreams

Typically, I have wierd dreams, espeically after consuming dairy products late at night. Well, let the hormonally charged pregnant dreams begin! Last night, my dream began at our income property. In my dream, Extreme Home Makeover was making it over for the tenants. At first I was mad, because nobody told us, but then Ty ( AKA "Spiky Dude") showed up. Every pregnant girl should get to dream about him. He is yummy, artistic, and can design and build a house in 5 days or less. That does something for me......
Later, in the same warped dream, our rental house turned into this old barn in West Winfield, NY. It was still our property, and still being made over. In the end, the Extreme team decided to leave the roof off and the master bedroom was totally exposed to the out doors. I was freaking out, but they were calm and assured me it was fine.
My dream continued and I was washing my car in that old car wash at the Red Barrel in West Winfield. I haven't been there since I was a teen. I didn't have money and when I went insode to get change, I discovered I was pregnant, only in this messed up dream, I didn't know who's baby it was.
Ya know, I usually try to figure out what my dreams mean. I am not going to touch this one! Hopefully, though, I will have more dreams of my Ty.

Girls Night In

We have the junk food, the movies and plans to stay up WAY late. Like maybe 9pm. Miranda is having a friend sleep over tonight, so I did what any cool Mom with sleepover experience would do. First, we stocked up on junk food. We have Chips Ahoy, Jiffy Pop, and Krispy Kremes. Next, it was a run to the movie store for come PG chick flicks. We have Sharks Tale, and Freaky Friday ( don't tell anyone, but I love this movie. I am a little freaked out by Jamie Lee's role in that it hit's a little too close to home. A control freak, Volvo driving, OCD mama. Yikes!).
So, I proceed to pop the Jiffy Pop, and Miranda's friend looks at me and says " Miranda's Mom, don't you have a microwave." Sleep over lesson number one. Pop corn taste better when you shake the crap out of the little aluminum pie plate that blows up like a balloon. It's practically a life skill, being able to make Jiffy Pop. I think I will skip sleep over lesson number 2. Chips Ahoy, when crumbled in a bowl with milk also double as breakfast. Trust me on that one........
I can't believe Miranda is old enough to have sleep overs. I hope I remain the cool mom, providing snacks, just the right movies, and hanging out just long enough so the girls want me around. I can only hope 10 years from now she will want to have her girlfriends over for Friday night movie nights, and that I will remember to get the junk food.
Here's to staying up late, eating junk, and hanging out with girlfriends. Oh yeah, and junk food hang overs. That's sleep over lesson number 3. Make sure you have your tooth brush.

Mama Mia!

I am quite possible too old for this! The last time I was pregnant ( successfully), Clinton was in office. Freinds was "THE" show and the price of gas was .97 cents. Princess Diana had been tragically killed that year, and Titanic was the box office smash ( only never take a hormonal pregnant women to see that film. It took me days to recover). In 1997, I was 26 years old.

Flash forward to 2005, I am 33, will be 34 this summer. Morning sickness everymorning is taking a toll on me. When I was 26, I travelled with a zip lock and didn't think twice of just thrwing up and getting it over with. Now, I don't want to get up because getting up means I will throw up. AND, I am very cranky about having to give up diet coke and coffee. I don't think it bothered me in 1997. I just did it. Without my daily caffeine buzz, I am a mess.

May my additional 31 weeks treat me kindly. I am too old for this! How do those 50 year old actresses you see on TV that crank out babies do it?????? What the hell are they thinking. As it is, this baby will graduate school in 2024. 2024!! I will be, well, OLD! What the hell am I thinking??? I guess it's too late for that question! Mama Mia!

What a Weekend

My weekend actually started on Friday. I don't work at my internship on Friday, and Miranda had a half day. Today Miranda and I had a special mission. We went to the Ronald McDonald House with some goodies. Our Brownie troop was either going to help out the RMH or the ASPCA, since we picked the ASPCA, Miranda has been concerened about the kids at the Ronald McDonald house. We went on their website to see what we could do for them and she wanted to make Valentines for the children and we saw that they collected snack foods for a "comfort food" pantry they keep. On days when kids have treatments, they like them to be able to pick out some comfort foods that remind them of home.
So, off we were with 2 shopping bags boxes of Little Debbie Snack cakes, and Valentines. Since all the rooms at the house were full of families ( 16 in all), Mirnada got to deliver her cards ( she had candy, too) and meet some of the people that were staying there. We saw the video about the house, and had the tour. What a neat, magical house. For all of the pain it must have seen in the past, it still seems so conforting, welcoming, and almost like a haven from the hospitals and the treatments. The rooms were like doll house rooms, made into real sizes. They were decorated with so much thought.
We decided we would like to go back and cook dinner some night. They have families and groups come in and cook so the families that stay there don't have to worry about cooking. I can't wait to go back. I am so touched that Miranda wanted to think about others, in their time of need. If I can raise her to be compassionate and empathetic, what a great addition to the world she will be. I love you Miranda. May your heart always be pure and beautiful and filled with love for other people.

It's Tax Time Baby!

Normally, I am not quite so giddy about tax time. I am the family's pseudo accountant. I do the prep work and then give everything to our accountant. We own 2 rental properties and it's no longer as simple as a 1040. There are multiple tax forms, but, I am the queen or deductions. Our rental properties have some awesome deductions like home lones and property taxes. Of course we have the child deduction, but this year, we have 2 other surprises up our sleeve. I donated my car to charity this year. My beloved 1994 Saturn, paid off years ago, dependable as hell, never broke down. I donated it to a program called Wheels for Work, in my city. They give it a good tune up, new tires, and give it to a family that could benefit from having, well, wheels! Somewhere, right now, my car is having a nice afterlife. That's priceless, but I also get the Kelly Blue Book value, $1350.00! Ca-Ching!
The second tax time surprise this year was the medical deductible. My husband had a long year of trying to get diagnosed. There were family docs, specialists, neurologists, perscritions, co-pays, deductibles, etc....We racked up $6500.00 in medical bills. For the first year ever we have qualified for that deduction.
So, after totaling the receipts, patting myself on the back for being a money honey and keeping ahead of tax laws ( ok, and having a good accountant), I have smiles alllllllll weekend! I do believe both the Feds and the state owe me a sizeable amount of cash. I'll take that in large, please!

When You Wish Upon a Star

This sweet little angel found her way to my home last year because I did wish for her. More than anything, I wanted another child and there she was. She is my daughter. I can't believe it will be up to a judge to decide weather she stays or goes home to a man with a rap sheet that goes back to 1977 with so many offenses he can't remember what the crimes were.
Please, for the love of Anna, my little Doodle Bug, say a prayer, rub a Buddah, kiss a monk, call in the Ya-Ya's, whatever you can do to life her up so that she gets the home she deserves, I am asking you to do. I am begging you. She is my daughter, and we couldn't love anything more.

Getting my *stuff* together

Alright, getting my shit together is what I meant. I will be graduating in 13 weeks, not that I am counting. I took a quantom leap and went back to grad school 2 years ago. It's been a long lean road of late night home work and being creative with the money because I wasn't making any. It is so close I can taste it, touch it, and see myself in an office with the line of kids waiting to see me. BUT, now the time has come to get my shit together to launch my job search.
It's funny that I have learned how to career counsel people, write killer resumes, and work the interviews, and I am almost dreading doing it myself. I have opened my credential file on campus and I have four reference letters, 2 from professors, 2 from counselors, but that is all I have done. I am procrastinating writing my resume. I want it to be perfect, to stand out and bite a school administrator so they will read it, yet here I sit putting it off.
If I had to analyze myself, I would say I was a little scared. 2 years, 60 credits, and 40K in debt is a lot to invest in a dream. I am a teensy bit scared that the jobs won't be there this spring when I am searching. I need to kick myself in the butt and get going. I need to market myself, call on all my educational friends, network my ass off, and write the killer resume. Fortunatley, I have to have my resume in for the Education Expo on campus, so this will force me to get my shit together!!!!!!
I have nothing to fear but fear itself!!!!

Emotional Eminem

I was driving home from class last night when I heard the new song Eminem wrote to his daughter, Hayley. I can't believe I was actually crying. Over Eminen!!! He has really evolved as an artist. I couldn't stand him when he broke on the scene. I thought he was a bad role model and I hated that everyother word had to be bleeped out.
He has come a long way. When he started poking fun at himself and cleaning up the language, I have grown fond of him. I appreciate his struggles and all that he went through. I really appreciate what he is saying to his daughter and how he seems to be doing right by her. I have met so many kids at my new elementary school that have parents that are not just dysfunctional, but outright neglectful. Resources are limited, yet they have 6-8 more kids. Kids that don't have beds, that are so neglected that they pee themselves in school and that are so poor that all they got for Christmas was shoes from a social worker. If Eminem has made it out of his poverty, his white trash life style, neglectful mom, and came out with better parenting skills, maybe there's hope for the kids I am working with??? Maybe they can be the ones that make it? I'm not talking Rap Star making it, I am talking good parent and member of society making it.

Never in a million years would I have thought Eminem would instill hope in me. Of course, I never thought I would shed a tear over one of his songs, either. I hope that he continues to be the dad that apparently he never had and to give his children a better life than he had, and I don't just mean the material needs. I am impressed with him. As a counselor, I obviously have faith that people can overcome, and that people can change. Thanks for the good example Marshall Mathers. Rap on.

Get AWAY from my computer NOW!

I am so grumpy about all the unaothorized activity on my computer. After the whole Trojan, I have tightened up my computer's security like Fort Knox. Even still, I am getting pings on my firewall, other computers trying to access my files, and , AND after all this, I find a CWS Trojan during my daily spyware scan. SAD! I have to scan for virus and spyware daily. My internet activity, although daily, is limited to a few things. I have a Mom's message board that I am a member of, a few blogs I read daily, a couple favorite shopping sites ( Old Navy, JCP, Barnes and Noble), and occassionally, I am doing research. It seems like there wouldn't be so much going on with the few things I do online. My friend JP says "go Mac." I almost wish my computer weren't so new, or I would. When I update my PC next time, two things need to happen. I need to take him shopping with me, and I want a computer that people can't access. I just don't feel safe on the internet anymore and I need to. I'm taking an online course this semster. I don't have 4 days of my life to factory reinstall and redownload all my programs again. Not to mention that is 4 days I will never get back.

So, in short: Leave my computer ALONE. Go away, I'd turn back if I were you. I'm about to Jackie Chan your modem if you don't leave me alone.

That wan Then, this is Now

That was then.....

This photo was taken in 1981. I am the one decked out like an Army General in the back row. Troop 592, from Cedarville, Ny, Foothills Council. Our leader's name was Rose Gala. What a neat lady. I always hoped that I would have a daughter some day that wanted to be a Girl Scout. I had such a great time as one from first grade, through eighth grade. I never imagined that I would be the leader.
When I searched for a troop in our area, all I found was a waiting list of 80 girls waiting for people to volunteer to lead troops. You see, there were girls, but nobody stepped up to the plate to start troops. I am so proud of Sandi and I stepping up and leading the 12 little girls that belong to and love our troop. These little girls will have the same found memories that I have and will learn some great things along the way.
Rose Gala used to carry this bag bursting with her files, her craft supplies, her first aid kit, and her leader books. It's funny that now some 24 years later, the leader bag I carry looks so familiar. Thank you Rose, for all you did for the girls that used to meet at the Cedarville Fire House afterschool. I'm sure I am not the only one who took away things that made me the woman I am now.